I now have a New set of Wheels! This easily fold-able 4 wheel device enables me to walk using it to steady myself.
Been reflecting on so much recently. Prompted by Lavinia asking me what I want to fill me remaining time with, I now realise that so much of the passion in my life has been about trying to impress (Dead mother? school, peers, who knows?). My comprehensive website devoted to publicising the story of the Birth of Optical Fibre Communication was a consequence of my feeling of obligation to the community who made it all happen. As “last man standing” or one who was involved at the start (and until the end of 2014), I felt I had to do a good job, as an act of service.
A similar situation surrounds my Family History website and another site devoted to my Epworth Cutlery (my ancestors were Sheffield cutlers). All acts of service I believed.
Now so many of the past drivers in my life until seem of little interest to me. For example, photography was a passion, now holds little interest. With hindsight, so much of what I have previously filled my life with, seemed to have been targeted at getting approval from those around me, wanting to be seen as a nice or clever guy, or more fundamentally, just to be loved.
It seems that I can now give up trying to be someone worthy of being loved (above others?), and just be present. Funny how it took a whole lifetime for me to understand where my competitive side came from.
My hair loss (due to radiotherapy) seems to have stopped (mostly on my Right side for no obvious reason, as the radiotherapy was equal strength beams from each side). I can now see what shape my head is for the first time. Not a bad discovery for a 72 year old bloke!
The good news is that my condition seems to have plateaud (probably due to the radiotherapy), with little deterioration in my impaired balance. And I am gradually learning new ways of dealing with it all. Long may it continue.
My lovely younger sister and husband Frank called in on Friday on their return from a holiday, brought nice lunch to share. good to see them again.
Wonderful evening meal last night with some very dear friends, with whom I have shared some very emotional poetry with in the past. Reflecting with gratitude on the “beauty of the days gone by”.
Today I have picnic planned at the bottom of my garden down by the river, surrounded by nature. It will be good.
So I’m feeling a little guilty that I haven’t updated my blog recently, so here is a bit of an update: On Tuesday my son Paul took me out in the wheelchair for the day. Good airing in the local Hatfield Forest. Nice pub lunch, and it seems that my high steroid dose has fixed my allergy to soft wheat and thickeners, so I’m now daring to eat things I have missed for years (toast & marmalade!).
Yesterday, my daughter Mary came round for a while. Chance to catch up on her album launch news. Today I visited local Hospice facility, for an exercise class, and a bit of “therapy”. Dared to explore the “dark heart” of my situation. It was all a good opportunity for Lavinia to get some well earned R&R while I was preoccupied.
Nice week with my big sister visiting. Dropped her at the station today before going down to my place in Sawbridgeworth. Things to be sorted!
Managed to meet up briefly for a pub lunch with our old friend Lucia, yesterday. Tears & Laughter!
A Good Day
Various family and friends all visiting today. Both my lovely sisters (with Frank), and my daughter Mary with her lovely manager Michelle, updating us on Mary’s recent album launch of Elytral. Great review on the Wall Street Journal too. Followed by very useful afternoon visit by excellent Occupational Therapist bearing useful kit.
Time for a major update
A lot has happened since I last posted. Been very busy with various appointments. A few crises which I shan’t bore you with. Final Radiotherapy session at Addenbrookes hospital due tomorrow. Despite my prior anxieties, apart from a fuzzy head, so far so good. No indication yet whether my symptoms might be reduced by the treatment, but the effects of radiotherapy take time to manifest.
Great support from Occupational Therapy, having to find new ways of moving around and dealing with my lack of balance. I’m amazed at help available on NHS.
Lavinia arranged for a few of my ex-work colleagues to drop in for a chat yesterday. My big sister Gill is about to arrive on the train, which will give Lavinia some much needed moral support.
My mood has become somewhat more realistic, so I now have some moments of deep and appropriate sadness too. Determined to avoid self-pity.
Back at Addenbrookes again today courtesy of Son Paul
Third of 6 radiotherapy sessions today
Big thanks to Vince for taking me to Addenbrookes hospital today, giving Lavinia a break.